The 62nd hunger games - Dandelion Himsfield
by AnneleenEverdeen
Summary: Dandy had nothing to lose - her whole life was turned upside down when her parents died and her brother took custody over her and her 3 younger sisters. In between hunger and mourning for her parents there is almost no attention left for the reaping. Who really cares anyway, if she'd die in the arena?


That morning when I woke up it took longer than usual to remember where I was. Ever since we moved to the seam, my mind wandered further every night trying to escape the horrific reality I had been living in ever since my parents had died.  
Everyone else had been up to take care of the first activities of the day. My oldest brother Lernard, who resembled my father so much, seemed moody as usually. Even before the tragic accident we never talked much, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that he somehow puts the responsability of our parent's death on me. Like I wouldn't have done anything if I could have. It's not my fault that he has to go work in the mines everyday.

Today, however, we are all home. Today is the reaping. If we would have the guts to even think about it, it would be all we would ever talk about. Not that I'm afraid. Not anymore, anyway. I had my downfall. There is nothing the capitol can show me that i haven't seen yet. The odds were never in my favor anyway.

"Could you stop being yourself for one second and help me with dressing elly please?" my brother snarls at me. "Can you give me a break? I'm just up". I duck just in time to avoid the slap he spews in my direction. "I would like to say that I expect more from you, Dandelion Himsfield, but I know that your gratitude is something i can die while waiting for. Don't forget that..." I slap the door before he can speak his mind. I heard this speach a million times. Is it my fault that he got custody over me and our 3 younger sisters? Maybe it would have been better in the orphanage after all. As much he resembles our father physically, he is a completely different person the moment he opens his mouth. You can only put that much on the 12 hour days in the all-consuming darkness of the mines.

I could live here a lifetime and not get used to the condescending way the people look at me. I'm the fallen rich girl. Nobody pitties me. Good. I don't need their approval for being here. I would spit on all of them if I still could. I will never belong in the seam, I will never lower myself to crawling on my knees to try to be one of them. Let them rot in their filthy pride. It's not worth my time.

In the meadow I come to myself. This is the only place where I can be who I was when I still had the space for luxuries like that. I close my eyes for ten seconds, when i hear my sister Valeria's voice. "what are you doing Dandy?" Despite my annoyance I can't bring myself to snub her off. After everything that happened she somehow managed to keep her innocense intact, or at least she can act she did really well. "what do you want Val?" I ask her without opening my eyes. "Can... can I sit with you for a little while? I don't want to bother you. But this afternoon... I just... there are a lot of names, right? The odds..." I sigh. It's hard to comfort my sister while I don't have the energy left to do that with myself anymore. "The odds stopped being in our favor ever since Lernard made us sign up for cupons honey" I immediatly regret what I said when i see the tears swelling up in her eyes. She's only 12, this is her first reaping after all. "No... I mean, no, I know we're all helping out. I'm sure you won't get picked. Besides, I'm in three times as much as you" there, that's the best I can do. Maybe she had more questions, but we both realize I'm not the one to ask them to.  
I feel empty when I hear her get up and walk away.

My first reaping was 5 years ago. Every year when the first signs of summer start to appear I remember the nausious stress that dreadfull day brought with it. In the whole bowl there was only 1 tiny paper with my name on it, yet I couldn't eat days in advance from the horrible stress. By then my brother was already on his last year, but our relationship was not solid enough for him to guide me through the process. In stead my mother let me sleep in the warm safety of her and my father's bed every night untill that warm day in june. With all the preparations she took every year after that to make the process as smooth as possible, there was nothing more comforting than the vague cinnamon smell that she had on her skin. It never was spoken out loud, but I have the suspicion that my brother, who had been brave by himself through every year, secretly despised me for my weakness and became jealous about the extra attention he never had. "at least he never had to write up for food cupons" i mumble to no-one in particular. "get out of my way!" I yell at an old woman who walks too slow to my liking. I can't help myself but being a bitch when I'm upset. Anger, anger, anger. It's the only thing that keeps me from giving up all at once.

I arrive at the square by myself. I'm a litle early, but I'm far from being the first one. I see my brother a little further with the 2 little ones. That means that Valeria already signed up, and when I look up I see her standing by herself in between a group of 12-year-olds. She seems very lost and tiny on this big square. When Lernard sees me he shakes his head and pretends like we don't belong together. But everyone knows. Everyone knows he is the brother of the slob nobody likes. Our parents would be so ashamed.  
I couldn't care less.


End file.
